My artistic genius Mom (with great hair) passed away on Tuesday morning.
I wish I had something extremely eloquent and moving to say.
My Mom died. I’m sad. Period.
Yes, I’m glad she is out of pain.
Yes, I’m sure she is in a “better place”.
Yes, I know she is deliriously happy and probably already busy redecorating wherever she is.
None of that changes the fact that I don’t want her to be dead.
I WANT MY MOM, DAMMIT.
She was funny and bright and a pain in the ass and had no common sense at all and was magnificently bi-polar with almost no boundaries and she loved baby feet and grapes and should’ve been a majority owner in Coca-Cola and had what turned out to be a fatal attraction to gauze clothing and a beautiful smile and she loved road trips and lilacs and her nails were always perfectly manicured and she never left the house without lipstick.
She was also psychic, probably.
She “doodled” the picture above in her journal last Fall — right around the time we first asked her oncologist (“Dr. Death”) about some of the memory and balance problems she was having and asked him to check it out. He ordered a CT scan and told us it was clear. Four months later when she started having seizures and had a big ole brain tumor and several smaller brain tumor “seeds”, they told us (“they” being the neurosurgeon and the new oncologist “Dr. Death, Probably”) that the best way to detect anything in the brain is with an MRI, not a CT scan. Anyway….. she had brain surgery and then a procedure called Gamma Knife, which seemed remarkably similar to what she had drawn several months earlier, i.e., light flowing into her brain.
I’m too tired and sad to write much more today. I’m still in Tampa and I’m so grateful that our family was able to be here with Mom in her final days. Austin is still here with me, because he is the sweetest of sweet peas and because we had a snafu getting his college textbooks sent so he could study for finals. The books should be here today and then he has to write a paper and turn it in and then he leaves Saturday morning to return to Denver.
Thanks for all the support and love from my “virtual” friends and family. I can’t tell you how much you guys mean to me. Hopefully I will be more coherent and have something more meaningful to say the next time I write. Or not. Whatever.