So, I know I haven’t written in, like, FOREVER.
And I really don’t have much to say now, except that I’ve had a monstrous case of writer’s block (i can’t write, it’s too hot, my keyboard isn’t working right, why did i ever think i could write, fucking Republicans, i used to be funny and now i’m not, i’m too old to write, i’m too young to write, i’m fat, i should be at the beach, i haven’t been reading and if i’m not reading, stephen king says i shouldn’t be writing…) and my keyboard has been acting up, seriously.
As we’ve established, I suffer from Compulsive Disclosure Disorder/Obsessive Honesty/Can’t Keep Mouth Shut Disease. It’s a burden, y’all. And it is forcing me to write today.
Here is what I need to say out loud:
I have been cheating on my beloved Mexico. With Pace Picante Sauce. And I’m never, ever going to stop. I know it’s practically sacrilegious to live in Mexico and admit to liking, much less LOVING, Pace Picante Sauce, but I cannot deny my love any longer….
I don’t have a car here in Mexico and I don’t have a lot of money (thanks pendejo who stole my car and other stuff) but I have located one (1) store in Cancun that carries Pace Picante Sauce at a ridiculously high price (actually it’s not that high, I’m just trying to add drama to my story) (and the store is Chedraui at Las Americas Mall) and I can guaran-damn-tee you that I will get myself to that store and stock up on that shit on a regular basis. Even if I have to ride the scary bus. Alone.
Also, Mexico shouldn’t be too upset with me, because even though I do totally love Pace Picante Sauce, I’ve had to switch from the Mild mix — which I used to think was almost too hot for me but now tastes too sweet for me — to the Medium mix. Bravo Mexico! My taste buds are toughening up!
And another thing Mexico should be happy about is that having Pace Picante Sauce in the house is actually encouraging me to cook more. Yes. ME. COOK. Why? Because now I’m all “hmmmm, I’m out of chips… how am I going to get that Pace Picante Sauce into my mouth without eating it directly out of the jar like some kind of heathen? I know, I’ll cook [INSERT FOOD ITEM MADE MORE YUMMY BY ADDING PACE].”
p.s. The scary bus to Cancun is not scary at all, according to everyone who has ridden it. It’s just scary to me because I’m a scaredy-cat about public transportation in general (I have no idea why) and new experiences that subject me to feeling lost in a hostile world…… and that, my friends, is a personal issue because Cancun is annoying and crowded, but not hostile. Probably.
p.p.s. OMG I STARTED MY NEW JOB AND I FREAKIN’ LOVE IT! So I guess I could write about that. And I probably will, just not today. www.MayanRivieraProperties.com
p.p.p.s. I am a little stressed because I have to write an introduction of myself for the Mayan Riviera Properties blog and I don’t know what to say and I can’t use the “f” word, supposedly.
p.p.p.p.s. So, I haven’t been reading or writing, but I have been obsessively watching LOST. I didn’t watch it when it first aired but I am loving it now. Mostly because I’m all “WTF?” after nearly every episode. I’m at the end of Season 6 now. Yes, I have a problem.