I’ve been staring at the keyboard for, ummm, hours.
And it’s been staring right back at me.
The keyboard is strongly suggesting that I “write something already”.
I’m politely suggesting that the keyboard can kiss my sweet ass.
It seems we have arrived at an impasse.
A stalemate. A standstill. A good old-fashioned standoff.
(Oh the drama…..)
Well. We were at an impasse. Then I decided that I wanted to write something. And I decided that my decision to write something has nothing to do with the fact that the keyboard has been taunting me mercilessly.
Oh alright. The keyboard totally won.
How about a list!
THINGS THAT I’M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE GOOD TO WRITE ABOUT IF I WERE MOTIVATED TO WRITE AN ACTUAL BLOG POST, WHICH I’M NOT.
- I’m all twitterpated because the Moratorium is officially over and there’s a nice man here who might be a little bit sweet on me. (Note: yes, Virginia, “twitterpated” is a real word, mostly.)
- Is it just me or does being on a beach make everyone horny?
- Honestly (as I’ve mentioned previously) it isn’t the beach, it’s the ocean. And it isn’t just the ocean, it’s any body of water.
- Rain also puts me in the mood.
- Snow is also fun.
- So there it is, all precipitation turns me on.
- OMG am I having my sexual peak right now?
- Oh, who am I kidding. I’ve been having my peak since I was
1716. (One benefit of being an orphan at 47 is that you don’t have to pretend you didn’t mess around as a teenager.)(Not that my parents harbored any illusions that I was a sweet, demure girl.)(Plus I told them I was sleeping with my boyfriend at age 17, because I was POSITIVE we were going to get married. Reasonable, right?)(That might have been the date of my Dad’s first heart attack… we will never know.)
- Hmmmm, there seems to be a theme developing here…
- Anyway. So it’s fun to be twitterpated, but here’s the thing, I’m living in an episode of “The Bachelor”… Seriously, there are about 10 American/Canadian women and 1000 Mexican women for every single, decent, person with a penis in this town.
- And this is a resort town.
- A small resort town.
- So why would a guy who has his pick of hundreds of attractive, tan and horny women “settle down” with just one of them for any length of time?
- Vacation romances are awesome, but what do you do when you live in the vacation spot and maybe want more than a vacation romance?
- Not that there’s anything wrong with vacation romances.
- I mean, 12 years ago I had the vacation romance to end all vacation romances. My friends affectionately refer to it as my “vacation romance on steroids”. It was awesome and, ultimately, a sad chapter in my life. It probably should have just stayed a vacation romance. On a lighter note, I would never have found Puerto Morelos without that vacation romance, so there.
- I have no idea what I’m trying to say here.
- Yes, I do.
- Am I up for a vacation romance?
- That is the question.
- That is the answer.
- That Moratorium lasted a long time….
- Here’s another thing: When one is a blogger who talks about shit like “What if I told the truth on my Match.com profile?” and “I’m depressed and grieving and probably crazy“, and “Oh yeah, I’m having a relationship with a pretend-Buddha iguana who doesn’t know I’m alive” — when exactly does one roll out the fact that they write a blog chock-full of intensely personal shit to a potential love interest?
- Probably “never” is the right answer, which means “Right away!!” in “Kim’s world”…. 🙂
- Probably not a great idea to brag (in a very public forum, i.e., your practically- internationally- famous blog) that you’re awesome at anything, much less fellatio.
- Note to self: Remember how it’s good to under-promise and over-perform? Yeah. This bragging thing is a problem, at least in theory. (wink-wink)(OMG there I go again!)(oh, for god’s sake, this is entertainment, yall. not “the truth”.)(supposedly).
- Jesus Christ, what have I done here today?
p.s. all y’all are awesome. thank you for your kind comments/notes on my last blog post. i love the internet and you people who somehow found me and don’t mind that i say “fuck” a lot.
p.p.s. my smarty-pants “English Teacher” cousin told me that “p.s.s.” isn’t even a thing. it’s “p.p.s.” whatever. 🙂
p.p.p.s. i still have no plan (no Plan A and no Plan B) but my tan is really coming along!
p.p.p.p.s. please tell me i’m not the only one who says “twitterpated” (or thinks it?)