It puts its fingers on the keys and it types the words….

For someone who proclaims that she wants to be a Writer,  I spend a lot of time Not-Writing.  And then writing/whining about not being able to write.  Followed by more Not-Writing.

Perhaps I need to rethink this “brilliant writing career” I keep saying that I want.

Anyway.

Guess where I am?

Viva Mexico!

And guess what I have with me:  ANTIDEPRESSANTS.

Woo-hoo!

Right after I wrote my last post (wherein I realized that the grieving had tipped over into a real depression) I saw my regular doctor and she put me back on Wellbutrin and Zoloft, albeit at much lower doses than I was on previously.  THANK GOD.  Within a few days I was feeling so much better — able to get out of bed without having to talk myself into it for two hours, renewed interest in bathing, drastic reduction in the constant sobbing.

I’m still sad, mind you, but the doom and gloom and utter “what’s the point of living”-ness of depression is pretty much gone.

Being here is bittersweet.  I love it here and I love being near (or in) the ocean every day and I love the people here.  And it’s my Mom’s house, her art is everywhere (I mean, the HOUSE itself  is a work of  art — seriously, I will post pictures) and her friends are here and I miss my Mom and I feel like an imposter living her life, in her house, in her town, with her friends.

It’s weird.

The memories are amazing though.  So many good times here with her.  So many beach days — sunning or scavenging beach trash which she would then effortlessly turn into art-thingies.  So many evenings under the stars.  Dancing to ABBA with the girls in the kitchen.  Puzzling over how to get things done in Mexico (FYI – the answer is usually “flag down the truck”).  Chasing the dulce cart around town.

So much gauze clothing.

(Have I mentioned that my sweet (petite) Mom could pull off gauze harem pants?  They are awful.  I’m going to try to talk my sassy Virgo sister into wearing them out in public when she is here next week — Ha!)

We are having a non-memorial-service party for Mom here in Puerto Morelos on February 4.  Quite a few family members are flying in and there is a whole community of people here who knew and loved Mom, so it should be a fairly large celebration.  Lots of color, food and we (read:  my sassy Virgo sister) got those Japanese wish lanterns to release at night off the beach.  I guess I should get started figuring out exactly what to serve?  Manana…

Here’s what else:  I’m almost 47 – WTF?  And my blog is almost ONE!  Which also means that the Moratorium (with which I’ve substantially complied) is almost over.

Whatever will I do….?  😉

xoxo

kim

p.s.  I don’t really have a “p.s.” this time, but it’s tradition, so……..

p.s.s.  OH wait – the house is falling apart — which means that I have to spend an inordinate amount of time tracking down someone to make the various repairs, then harass that person until the repairs are made and then (usually) pay that person more than I think is fair for the work — all of which makes me a cranky gringa.  Which makes me want to call my blog “Cranky Gringa”!  Except I’m still partial to “Crankylicious” — thoughts?  INSERT MAGICAL LEGAL WORDS TO PROTECT MY AMAZING INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY HERE!

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “It puts its fingers on the keys and it types the words….

  1. Oh Kim! You sound so much better. And living it up in Mexico sounds like something your mom would TOTALLY approve of. Good for you.

    (Double dare you to buy the next piece of gauze clothing that catches your eye because you know it’s your mom winking at you. And wear it!)

    I think Crankylicious is fanTAStic, btw. But I still love AvoidingKim. It’s a potent name and so accurate to that aarghh-run-away-and-avoid-myself-because-I’m-probably-really-awful-and-if-I-KEEP-avoiding-myself-entirely-we’ll-never-know-god-I’m-so-smart!!! avoideyness. But then, maybe there will come a time when you’re less avoidey and the name has become outgrown…. Which would need a ‘Yay not being so avoidey’ cheer!! Followed by a ‘Yay for new Crankylicious home for Kim’s brilliant cranky, hilarious, sparkly writings!!’. Cranks rule!

  2. Sue T

    Bittersweet is lots better than gloom and depression.
    I’m so glad for you that things are a teensy, weensy, teeny weeny, little bit better.
    In my experience all the memories keep coming back, and being in a place where so many of them are good ones is wonderful.
    (hand on heart sigh)
    By the way, thanks for the links to the gauze postings. Pretty amazing.

  3. irene

    i knew you went to mexico! wonderful. is it 49 days yet since your mom passed? i’ve been praying for a peaceful “transition” for her and i’m sure she’ll be delighted with those japanese wish lanterns, nice touch! so if you’re pushing 47, that means you were born in 1965, right? If so, according to the chinese horoscope, your sign is the snake: “You have sage-like wisdom, exude seffortless glamour, are stylish youthful and vivacious. What’s ahead: A greener bank account! All that slithers is gold this year. . .Your knack for long-term investments – the one yo’ve made in a child or young person – also pays off as you’re about to hear news that’ll make you proud!” happy new year Kim! i told you i’d get your your horoscope. enjoy your visit! love, irene p.s. i’m pushing 55 on 3/5, a golden birthday year for me! i feel 28 – can’t believe where the time went. . .treasure every moment (perfect exactly where you are – you are a brave girl “to be with it all” like you’ve been – sort of makes me weepy. . .i hope i’m as brave as you are IF i lose one of my parents) and kwwp up those walking meditations . . .

  4. Kirsten Osenga

    I do believe you’re a brilliant writer! In all the posting s I’ve read, I can clearly see what you are saying. You’re hurting and missing your mom and you write about that so precisely. I’m sorry for your pain and your bouts of depression, but so glad that you are able to recognize and get help. That shows that you are a strong person that has some struggles-like us all. Hang in there Kim and keep writing-even if it’s about NOT being able to write-because you’re good.

  5. Welcome home! Where your brilliant writing career is about to blossom!!!
    Woo! Woo!

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