me + lesbian porn.

Ha!  I knew the lesbian porn thing would get your attention!

Here’s the deal.

I’ve been trying to write this damn post for hours and hours.  It doesn’t want to come out.  At least not in any form that would be entertaining or even coherent, really.  I’ve written about all sorts of things today, none of which are related or even fucking complete thoughts at this point.  One kind of did involve lesbian porn, so using that phrase in the title was somewhat justified.  Or it was a cheap ploy to get your attention.  You decide.

The problem is that I made this committment to write every day and to “blog” (i.e., write shit that other people might possibly read) at least three times a week, so I am kind of required (by myself) to post something today, even if it isn’t anywhere near close to my usual brilliant prose.

Without further ado, here is what I’m thinking about today.  Comments are oh-so-welcome!

1.  Lesbian Porn —  I got together with my favorite lesbian lawyer friend (MFLLF) last night (woo-hoo!) and, after drinking a massive margarita, decided I should totally tell her about my thing.  After I got all excited and blurted it out I realized immediately that I had made a potentially disastrous mistake.  MFLLF is such a lawyer.  If I didn’t know better I would think she was a Virgo, like most of my other lawyer lady friends.  (you know who you are…..!)  She’s super smart.  Very organized.  Uber-practical.  And, like all lawyers (including, of course, yours truly) she truly believes in the whole concept of needing things to be very defined, rule-bound and clean.  Plus, every [good] lawyer knows that you never, ever undertake anything that you don’t absolutely know you are qualified to do.  And by “qualified” I mean someone has given you written permission to do it, in the form of a degree or a certificate or something tangible.

I know ya’all don’t know what my thing is yet, but let me tell you straight up that it has nothing to do with anything The Man says I’m qualified to do by virtue of having written permission, i.e., it’s not law, it’s not business administration or marketing.  Further, The Man hasn’t even decided if what I want to do is even a real thing.  Questions abound!

Anyway.  MFLLF really really really wanted to be supportive.  And, unfortunately, her lawyer brain really really really hated the idea of me presuming to do something that I didn’t have permission to do.  So, in a very sweet way, she got a teensy bit  judgy.

I panicked.  Why had I revealed my thing in such dangerous waters?  So reckless!  And, now my inner fuck you was DYING to make a scene.  I had to think quickly!

So I deftly steered the conversation away from my thing by raising the topic of lesbian porn.  Whew!  Crisis averted.

Anyway, we had fun.  She didn’t mention my thing again.  In the cold light of day, I feel kind of bad, because this makes me sound uber-manipulative.  I don’t think I consciously thought about what I was doing.  It was a natural instinct.  If there’s one thing I know about my lesbian friends (lawyers or not lawyers) is that they love to hear straight girls talk about sex-related things.  I think they have this theory that there are no real straight girls, just girls who are denying their true sexuality.  Again, I’m totally generalizing.  Plus implying that MFLLF is easily distracted, which she isn’t.  And rambling.  See why I can’t write a good post today?  Anyway, there it is.  Lesbian porn.

2.  The Moratorium – I hate it.  Part of it is a good idea and I know why I did what I did, but really, what a fucking nightmare.  (pun intended)

3.  Homework – I signed up for 2 online classes related to my thing!  One starts tomorrow.  Which means I have homework.  Said homework involves writing.  I don’t wanna do it.  Why?  Excellent question.  I think because it makes my thing a little (a lot) more real and there is always the slight possibility that I could totally suck at it.  Which I will only know if I actually try to do it.  And you know how conflicted I am about trying to do things that I don’t already know I can do really, really well.  I realize this is all circular.  I warned you.

4.  Grace in Small Things – I signed up for a program called “Grace in Small Things“.  So, the goal is to find 5 things that I’m grateful for, blessed with, graced with, whatever, every day for 365 days.  Easy, right?  Not if you’re a negative newt like me!  It is so much easier for me to be snarky and cynical and glass-half-empty-ish than it is for me to be (cringe) cheerful and (god forbid) perky.  Anyway, I’m going to try.  Yay me!

Here are some small things I’m happy/grateful about today:

  • Getting back in touch with an old friend over the weekend!  She is smart AND pretty.  And, one of my all-time favorite memories is sitting in her office practicing using the “c***” word out loud.  I know, right?
  • Seeing MFLLF finally and hearing about some of my old cases/kiddos — things seem to be alright without me.
  • Facebook!  I love finding old friends and keeping up with family, especially my Awesome Son.  Who, by the way, I absolutely do NOT facebook stalk.
  • Free wi-fi.  I’m at a cafe right now and so grateful that I can work just about anywhere these days.
  • Lesbian porn.  Just checking to see if you are still reading… and I would totally understand if you were not.

Well, that’s about it for me. 

xoxo

kim

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2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

2 responses to “me + lesbian porn.

  1. Sue T

    Wishing you wonderful, stress-free, productive, classes with *easy* homework-writing! And that your thing gets happily larger/clearer from doing them.

  2. wonderful post, very informative. I’m wondering why the opposite specialists of this sector don’t
    realize this. You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a great readers’ base already!

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