I’m flying to Portland, OR tomorrow. I am spending the week there – first at a workshop/Rally! with Havi Brooks, the amazing person behind The Fluent Self, and (I can’t believe this “coincidence”…) it turns out Mike Dooley is also in Portland next week with his “Playing the Matrix” workshop (based on lots of stuff, including his newest book “Manifesting Change“) and guess who gets to go volunteer/attend? Lucky moi!
I’m totally excited for this big adventure!
Which is why I’m having a hard time figuring out why I’m dragging my feet about packing/finalizing details/closing up the house? Mostly packing, cuz that is fairly important.
Guess I need to talk to the girls who live in my head. Again….:
Kim: (stomping into the room) “This is starting to bother me, can anyone tell me why we aren’t further along on our getting-ready-to-leave-tomorrow-morning stuff?”
kimmy: (pouting while folding some green silky thing) “ask Kimberly, she won’t let me pack any of the NON women’s-group/yoga-chick clothes that I want to bring.”
Kimberly: (pointing at kimmy’s pile of clothes) “Have you seen what she wants to take? Non-essentials. Maybe even naughty clothes. She is totally trying to get around the moratorium…”
kimmy: (voice rising) “We can’t spend the entire week in yoga clothes, can we? Shouldn’t we have options? Plus, there is an “out of state” exception to the moratorium, duh.”
Kim: (looking for Advil) “Tell me you are kidding, is this seriously what is holding everything up?”
Kimberly: (using her condescending voice) “Of course not, that would be too easy to address. I think you should know that I have a LOT of hesitation about all this “workshopping” you two want to do.”
Kim: (exasperated) “OMG — why do you always do shit like this? I thought we addressed every little thing you were concerned about, what could possibly be left?”
Kimberly: (plopping herself on the empty suitcase) “We talked about my concerns, we didn’t really address them. I mean, we still don’t even have a good answer when someone asks us about the Rally. Why are we going? What on God’s green earth do we expect to get out of this frivolity? Oh, and let’s get real, do you really think we can get anything done at a workshop that features blanket forts….”
kimmy: (clapping) “Yay! Blanket Forts! And don’t forget the hammock…”
Kimberly: “Nice. Blanket forts AND a hammock. Kind of like a Continuing Legal Education course. NOT. This would feel like a boondoggle, except we are paying for it ourselves, which, by definition, takes the fun out of boondoggling.
“Let’s just recap: we don’t really know what we’re getting out of the workshop, we don’t know who else is going to the workshop — they could totally suck — we don’t know anything about Portland except that it’s going to be rainy and cold the entire time we’re there and we are fat and really don’t know what to pack. Oh and totally travelling alone, to a strange city, and did I mention alone.”
Kim: (looking at Kimberly sympathetically) “I am sorry you are so scared. You’re right about one thing, this Rally is going to be nothing like a CLE course, Thank God… We aren’t required to go and we don’t get “credit” for our time. We also don’t have to pretend like we know what we are doing OR that we even care about the subject matter of the course. No one will be watching to see if we “sneak” out and then “fraudulently” claim credit for it. Best of all, no one will be assessing our worth based on where we work or on how busy we pretend to be during the course or on what kind of bag we are carrying — although we did get that awesome Coach bag from Sarah, so that wouldn’t suck.”
Kimberly: (protesting) “All that sounds great, but what do we get?”
kimmy: (saucy smile) “Woo-hoo! We get out from under this nightmare moratorium!”
Kim: (heavy sigh) “You are not helping, kimmy…. Here are just a few of the things I think we are going to “get” from attending the Rally — First, even if we get nothing else out of it — which is highly unlikely — we get the alone-time we were hoping to get in January. We get time away from this house and away from Mom’s illness — which means time to think and feel and figure out who we are away from responsibility for those things. We’ve been super overwhelmed since moving in with Mom – all sorts of issues about who the fuck we are here/now and how we can hold onto ourselves and still be present to and supportive of Mom’s journey… We need this time.”
(trying not to smile as she watches kimmy sneak the silky green thing into the carry-on bag)
“Second – We get to get serious about figuring out what is next. That is certainly not happening here, is it? We get to figure out where our strengths are, we get to brainstorm with other people who are doing the same work, we get to write and write and write and figure out where to go from here. Best of all we get to meet cool people who are probably our people! Haven’t we been bitching about wanting a support system while we go through all this scary change? Not to mention life? The way I see it, this has the potential of being life-changing in the best way.“
Kimberly: (thinks for a minute, then sighs) “I’m not comfortable with all this loosy-goosy “woo-woo” stuff, but if it will help us find some kind of direction I guess I can cooperate. Don’t expect me to be all giddy about it though. I don’t do giddy.”
Kim: (starting to pack) “Yeah, we’re aware of your issues with silly things like, for example, happiness. We need to work on that. Does this mean we can get packed and ready to go now?”
Kimberly: “Fine, but don’t think that I didn’t notice little Miss Saucy-Pants slipping stuff into the luggage.”
Kim: (winking at kimmy) “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Interesting stuff. I don’t think I have it all worked out yet, but I’m at least feeling motivated to get the darn packing done. Yay – a little destuckification!!
p.s. i’m not sure if i’m going to be able to blog at all next week…. i was planning to pre-blog, but, well, you know how i am…. anyway, wish me luck!