I know there is a lot of important shit going on in the world today. Libya is fucked. Glenn Beck is still talking. My country is accidentally killing kids in Afghanistan. Sarah Palin is still making headlines. Even Charlie Sheen is out of work.
Somehow I’m able to tear my mind away from those gravely important issues of the day to marvel at my own super-human ability to avoid doing the shit I need to get done while being uber-productive on stuff that probably shouldn’t be my top priority.
On Friday I prepared a weekend “to-do” list. I felt so good just writing it down, so organized, so mature. The truth is that I am an expert list-maker. I have lists of lists…. So, writing the list is no problemo. The problem is that, apparently, I’m so satisfied with myself for even writing the list that I fail to ever look at it in a meaningful “I need to get this shit done” way. This seems to defeat the purpose of the list.
This weekend was a perfect example. Compare the two lists….it’s fun.
Things on my to-do list:
1. Clean kitchen.
2. Clean car.
3. Organize office.
4. Write blog posts for next week.
5. Research good-enough-jobs.
6. Return calls/emails.
7. Go to the gym. (and work out…)
8. Get stuff together for tax guy.
9. Go grocery shopping.
What I did instead:
1. Watched five (5) movies.
2. Ran the dishwasher. Still needs to be unloaded.
3. Downloaded four (4) new Kindle books. Bringing the number of books I am reading to seven (7). Finished 1 book, so I’m down to 6.
4. Had an eye exam and got new glasses. Had buyer’s remorse about new glasses.
5. Walked past pile of books/papers/files that need to go to the office approximately 100 times.
6. Drove past the gym at least four (4) times.
7. Read a bunch of random blogs. Somehow got to a website about “binaural beats“. Watched video about binaural beats. Downloaded free sample of binaural beats. Decided it was cool. Googled “binaural beats”. Found another website with free samples. Listen to, like, 8 different samples. Become very relaxed + probably smarter.
8. Changed Twitter profile theme at least 6 times. Checked out everyone “following” me. Became somewhat concerned. How did these people even find me? Considered following Justin Bieber. Decided that seemed a little creepy.
9. Played Scrabble with my smarty-pants “I’m going to Georgetown Law School” cousin using Words With Friends on my iphone. Game still in progress. I’m kicking his ass. GO CU LAW, duh!
10. Decided to go on a diet since I didn’t want to go to the grocery store. Ate fast food.
11. Watched numerous episodes of Snapped and Forensic Files. I call this “research”.
12. Played around on Facebook. Looked at people’s pictures. Became convinced that my ex-husband (the 2nd one) was in some pictures that a friend had posted. Freaked out about it, probably because the “friend” was a nice man I dated before the moratorium, but well after it should have been clear to me that I was in no shape to be dating. Let’s just say I’m probably one of his “online dating horror stories” he amuses his new girlfriend with…. I love that about me. Anyway, so I’m freaking out because if these guys know each other….ewwwww and uh-oh. So I write my friend about this and, of course, he says I’m delusional and that isn’t my 2nd ex-husband. Not convinced, I spend hours on the internet trying to find a recent picture of ex #2 to show my friend that I’m not fucking looney tunes. The person in that picture really could be ex #2’s twin. Turns out ex #2 is nowhere to be found on the internet….how is this possible? Not on FB. Not on LinkedIn. Not on his company profile. Nowhere. So I turn to my digital photos. I have no pictures of #2. It is like he doesn’t exist. The only evidence I have that there even was a #2 is a wedding photo of me, alone….. This is disturbing. What was I ever going to use that photo for?
Unless I find a way to gratuitously insert it into a blog that I someday write because I need to “prove” that I was once a smoking hot second-time bride.* Anyway, now I need to find my old-fashioned actual photographs to show that I’m totally not-crazy. (right…) I’ll put it on my “to-do” list for this week.
* i’m ridiculously unphotogenic. my sister amuses herself by finding ugly photos of me and bringing them to my, and other people’s, attention. have i mentioned she can be a bitch? so, there are approximately 2 good pictures of me (excluding some cute baby pics….which i may find a reason to post later….) and you’ve now seen both of them. my wordpress pic is my FB pic and my LinkedIn pic and then there’s this one.