charlie sheen has a point.

Call me crazy, but I do think Charlie Sheen (a/k/a CHARLIESHEEN) has a point — now, before you get all “what?!” and “what kind of tiger blood is in her veins today”  let me add that I don’t like the guy, I am positive that he is, among other less-than-super-healthy-things, a drug and (probably) sex addict,  I have no doubt that he is violent, manic, out of control and thank god they removed his kids already.  He reminds me of clients I’ve worked with who have had psychotic breaks, from, here’s a surprise…drug use.  BUT if we could throw out the messenger and look at the message (well, not exactly the way he verbalizes it, but the underlying concepts) he’s got some good points.  Well, one good point. 

What I think he is trying to say is, “look people, I’ve spent my life undervaluing myself and apologizing for myself and my success and, basically, for my life….and I had an epiphany and realized I’m done with that, because, it turns out, I’m pretty talented according to me and the gillions of people who watch my movies/tv show.” and “yes, I’ve done some shitty things and some things that other people disapprove of and I have hurt people…..but I’ve decided to change and none of that matters now, all I can do is move forward” and “I haven’t been a good father to my daughters and now I’m going to fix that.”

If he weren’t delivering his message in such a fucked-up, “I’m a crazy egomaniac with delusions of divinity and no need to conform to social rules so fuck you” way, the message isn’t so bad.  While I don’t think he is capable of just clicking his fingers/changing his mind and ridding himself of his addictions/personality disorder, I absolutely do believe that lots and lots of other mere mortals  are totally capable of  acknowledging their mistakes and icky behavior, deciding to change and then, presto!  actually changing.*  I know this is true because I’ve done it. 

 Unlike CHARLIESHEEN, I’m not “bi-WINNING” all the time now.  I am, however, pretty much a rock star since I decided to climb out of my angst, despair, shame, regret, “I don’t deserve X because I have been such a fuck-up” and “why take care of myself, I suck” cesspool that was my LIFE for, like, (this is uber-hard to say) at least a decade.

My epiphany did not arrive during a drug-induced psychotic break that I was completely in denial about.  I’m not even sure exactly how or when it arrived, but I have some ideas (that I will totally share another time…) and I’m beyond grateful that it arrived at all.  Oh yeah, my epiphany also did not manifest itself in an angry “everyone else sucks and I’m super bitter — at everyone else — for how I created the cesspool and lived in it and hurt myself and other people” way.  It has been more of a “Shit.  I made some sucky choices and allowed myself to be fairly oblivious to the fact that things had gotten so cesspool-ish” and “I could blame it on “depression”, but it’s bigger than that and, frankly, I don’t have to understand why it happened, I have to acknowledge it, fix what I can, and just fucking change” epiphany.

I don’t have the same outlets to share my story with as CHARLIESHEEN does, and I’m less “fuck you” than he appears to be, but if I were on 20/20, I would probably want to say, “Hell YES Kim is back.  I got tired of living like I’m not special and believing that I have nothing creative to share with the world and living a fraudulent life of fear so I decided not to do it anymore!  I know some people are not totally over-joyed that I’m “breaking the rules” and being “unconventional” but I finally realized this is my ONE life (that I’m aware of, right now…) and I’m the only person who can decide what is right for me.”  I would probably also want to say “oh, and fuck you…” just because I would be on television and it would freak people out.

On the other hand, I could be totally wrong.  It is entirely possible that  CHARLIESHEEN  has no “underlying authentic message” because he is an egomaniacal lunatic who is incapable of self-reflection.  If that is the case, then he just sucks.  My message is authentic.  I’m not saying my life changed overnight or that I don’t still struggle with all sorts of things or that I’m not a little afraid about money.  What changed was the understanding that I absolutely have the power to change what isn’t working for me, I am not a helpless victim.  WOO fucking HOO!!

xoxo

kim
*  i’ve had the opportunity to live with and work with lots of people with addictions and i firmly believe that, for any change to last, the addict is going to need some professional help.  i also firmly believe that no amount of treatment/therapy will work until the addict decides life has to change and that drug or thing that is destructive can’t be part of it.  it’s clear that CHARLIESHEEN hasn’t made that decision.

*  and the “goddesses”…wtf?  are they for real?  i know they are young and blonde (JUST KIDDING MY BLONDE FRIENDS!) but it doesn’t take much to see that this guy is out-of-control-dangerous and about to implode so why are they there?  it’s not like they have had some kind of long term relationship/emotional investment/marriage with this joker…? 

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “charlie sheen has a point.

  1. Claire P

    Dude, I’ve just read your ENTIRE blog and just wanted to say that you have been RSSd.

    I like Writer-Kim.

    Keep up the good work of, you know, being you, okay?

    xx
    Claire the Random Stranger who digs your FluentSelf comments and came right on over and dug your blog even more.

    • kim

      claire!!!

      i’m ridiculously excited about having been RSSd bya random stranger! especially one coming from havi’s blog (which i love and can’t get enough of…)(and i’m going to her march Rally!!) thank you soooooooo much for your comment and encouragement. yay!

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